


Even Broken Records Still Play

by moonkate



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien's thoughts, Depression, Emptiness, Gen, Just Adrien thinking to himself, Loneliness, Not much plot, Sadness, adrien agreste - Freeform, inner monologue, only slight adrienette, sad thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23150767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonkate/pseuds/moonkate
Summary: Adrien has it all while at the same time having nothing. Its like he was trying to fill a split in the earth with pebbles, hoping it would be even ground one day.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Even Broken Records Still Play

After waking up today he just knew it was going to be one of those days. Every now and then he would wake up feeling like this. A tidal wave of emotion seemed to flood his mind and drown every good thing in the process.

It was just a feeling he had every once in awhile. Not particularly triggered by any events in his life recently. As he was falling asleep the previous night, he even remembered thinking to himself that it was a good day, and he had a good life. Of course, he no longer felt that way at this moment. There are some days when the good things just vanished.

What was he doing with his life? He had no clue. From foreign eyes he seemed to have everything, but why is it that he felt like he had nothing? How rich it was, coming from him, he who lives in a mansion, who has a job, who gets good grades, who has a decent face, and who has a plethora of hobbies. You see, he had all the tools but he didnt want to build the house. Some could say he was only a puppet fulfilling his father's desires, but that wasn't the case, he was just aimless, pulled along by a leash made of thread hoping that someone would tell him where to go.

And now in his mansion on a rare day off, he couldn't even find the will to get up.

No one was tugging on his thread today. He was perfectly alone with his thoughts. His father, Natalie, and Gorilla were all out working. How great would it be, to have a responsibility, to have something in this world be amiss if you were gone. Yes, he's expected to be a good son, get good grades, and whatnot, but those weren't responsibilities in his sense of the word. Like how he is dependent on his father, Natalie, and Gorilla, he had no one dependent on him. The citizens of paris, maybe, he wasn't completely sure. People depended on superheroes, right? But these people, he realizes, depended most on Ladybug, not him. She purified the akumas, she had the lucky charms, she was everything.

He shouldn't even be bringing his alter ego into his thoughts, really. Sure, underneath the suit Chat Noir was him, but underneath him there was no Chat Noir. They were separate entities in his mind. And how sad whould that be? That if he let his mind embrace the thought of he and Chat Noir being one, only then would he feel a sense of accomplishment. That without this role that only fell into his hands, he would be nothing.

Why does he even exist? Maybe he shouldn't.

No. He doesn't really think that. He has never wanted to die per se, but there is not much for him to live for either. Though everything seems fine from the outside, he feels like his life has been in a vegetative state. Vogue teen model, top of the class, junior national piano competition winner, he has won a lot but accomplished nothing. These accolades, did they turn him into a better person?

He still felt the same.

Its been that way ever since he lost his mother. Everything changed when he lost her. Happiness became scarce, it was like rain in the Sahara. Many other things became scarce as well, such as his father, for example. It wasn't right to him, that the world just moved on without her. Or maybe he was just envious, that the world was able to move on without her. Nothing ever filled her absence, he just learned to carry the emptiness around inside him like an insatiable hunger. However, he knew that these circumstances don't absolve him for the grief his mind chooses to forever cling to. His inability to move on is his own fault, not his mother's, or his father's, or the world's.

And it wasn't just grief he had, he knew. It wasn't the bad days and the bad memories that made him feel so desolate. It was the flood, not the rain. He didn't measure his life in good days and bad days, it was in how those days were piling on top of each other yet nothing has changed. He was just as lost, as unfulfilled as the day before. He doesn't grow as a person, he doesn't regress either. It was the stagnant waters of his life.

He thought of his friends. He thought of how good things were going for him outside of his own mind. Then why was he in such discomfort? He knew why, but he didn't understand it. The smiles he shared with them weren't fake, he was happy in their company, yet he didn't feel like a part of them. There was no genuine connection to comfort him. Everyone had their own lives, their own priorities, their own aspirations. It felt so impersonal to him, that they were all independent of each other. And maybe healthy friendships were all that way, people grew separately and then and shared those experiences with each other, not necessarily intertwined with them. But he wasn't a healthy person, and he yearned for someone to connect with, to weave into his own own colourless life.

He was alone. No one could save him. No one should.

It was the most devastating part of it all. There was no salvation for him. He wanted to save himself from this bleakness, after all, it was his own mind that brought this onto itself, however, he didn't know how. Tomorrow will be a better day for him, he will laugh and cry once again and maybe even forget about everything he thought about today, but that doesn't mean it will ever end. He isn't confident that he'll just wake up one day and understand the world differently. If there is hope, then where does he find it?

He glances out of the window and sees a figure jumping through parisian roofs. The figure stops and looks towards the sun as it was beginning to set, her skin illuminated by a golden glow that made her seem holy.

It was Ladybug.

They say desperate people find faith, most in Jesus, his, he realizes was in her. The girl underneath the mask, was she like him? Confused like him? Hopeless like him? If she was, she never showed it. She had the magical power to save the world with useless objects, then maybe she could find a use for even him.

And he loved her because of it.

"Plagg, claws out".

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! There was a little reference to Taylor Swift there at the end, hope some swifties caught it. Also, this is not taken from my personal experiences.


End file.
